The Day The World Ended

The beginning of the end of the world came and went yesterday starting with punishments from hell, including fire and brimstone raining down on me and an earth shattering BOOM!  It’s good to have Mother and her humungous, oh-my-God-how-long-is-she-here-for suitcase staying over again…

Sorry Mother – I jest of course 😀

Some people were expecting a visit from the Grim Reaper yesterday, but the only beast I encountered this week was “Dopey Daisy the Coo,” who made me launch an open bag of rubbish three feet across my back pathway in shock when I stepped outside to the dustbin and found her looking at me.  After hastily checking the fridge, I promised there was no Cravendale milk within before chasing her down the driveway with a cowboy-style “YAHHH!”  Well, that’s how it works in the movies.  Dopey Daisy understood, and scarpered back to the open gate our local farmer regularly fails to repair, resulting in all of my children being expert sheep herders. We are used to the occasional smattering of woolly visitors to the garden and roadsides, but this is the first time we’ve had our milk personally delivered from the source.

When I posted this story on Facebook to my family and friends this week, there were exclamations of “oh my goodness, how did you get rid of it?”  and “ooh, aren’t you brave?”  But as a fairly regular hiker with children in tow, I’m used to protecting my brood from various Scottish beasties and shouting out common sense safety advice like, “stay away from the female midges, they bite.  But don’t worry about the guys.”

Thanks to years of tender, sensible don’t-go-into-the-light motherly advice like this, my poor kids live in a permanent state of confusion and giggledom. (It IS a word in our house).  Why they even continue to flourish, despite my letting them loose with sharp implements during bouts of soup making – much to other people’s despair – and allowing them to make their own cups of tea.  “Yikes,” says Grandmother with annoying regularity.  My response: “They are never going to learn self preservation if I don’t place them in mortal danger once or twice a day.”  So anyway Social Services, my address is…

Well, as we’re all still alive today let’s get back to good living.  I have a glass of red wine for the pot roast and two for me waiting.

See you again perhaps???


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