Dear God, I Think I’m Too Short For The Man Booker Longlist

From one of my favourite films of all time.

The Man Booker Prize long list has today been announced, and, I know what you’re thinking but, no… I’m not on it. Maybe it’s because I am, in fact, short. Or maybe it’s because I’m more Rita Walters than Hillary Mantel 😉

However, with The New Mrs D shockingly overlooked – despite its obvious brilliance – in the spirit of getting into the starting blocks for 2015, I’m now working on book two.

‘So she thought she would write great works of fiction; stroking clean pages with her literary eloquence. She’ll bleed over her words lest she might carry her reader to deepest, darkest Peru (it’s not that dark) (okay, it’s night-time in the story, shhh!), filling their noses with the sweet aroma of long journeys; of heat; of airplane turbulence; of the blood of innocents; of a brisk, early morning swim through clear, cool Mediterranean waters.

She’ll seek to lead them to sadness, anger or elation with long, graphite-busting paragraphs of original, erudite prose. She’ll pass on feelings, experiences, haunting images and tastes to book-hungry minds.

And she will win prizes. Studious types will debate over the symbolism in her writings; academics will quote passages in her name. She is scholarly; she is art in its purest form. She can be called, ‘writer’.’ She might even get a Wiki page…

She takes her pencil out and stares at another blank page. What great, opening line can her readers look forward to in book two? And in a flash it pours forth – the legend:

‘Sometimes, I’m so lonely and so frustrated that I buy sexy vegetables.’ Cathy Spires, widow, aged 68.

And so begins book two. Working title: ‘I Can’t Believe You Bloody Left Me’.’

Here’s to (WO)Man Booker 2015…


6 thoughts on “Dear God, I Think I’m Too Short For The Man Booker Longlist”

  1. Whatever you do with that working title, I’ve now dealt with my review of ‘The New Mrs. D’. No, I’m not going to tell you what I said … you’ll have to read it on one of the four places I’ve posted it.
    Suffice to say I’m looking forward to your next one.
    I published ‘Amsterdam Calling’ yesterday, so I’m taking a few days off to catch up with other projects before I get into my own next big one.
    I don’t know why, but I’ve just had to hit ‘follow’ again on here. Till later, keep up the good work. 🙂

    1. Tom, I read your review yesterday and was so thrilled with it I posted it on my Facebook page. That was so kind and generous of you, I’m so grateful. It is great to get a few men reviewing the book too, I’ve been very pleasantly surprised at the male reader responses. Happy publication day for yesterday! I will away and check out Amsterdam Calling immediately!

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